Part Four: This series focuses on how to effectively use online dating as a way to meet potential mates. Step four is knowing what you should really look for before you get involved.

What do you really need to know about someone you meet online?

In part three we looked at relationship essentials that you must look for in the first few dates: chemistry, relationship negotiables and relationship deal-breakers. But there’s a darker side to online dating that you need to be aware of before you succumb to a quick romance with a charming guy.

The Online Con Artist

You may think that you’re too smart to fall for a con artist, but lots of other smart women thought the same thing and it happened to them. In 2007, the FBI reported losses from Internet crime totaling almost $240 million, and internet dating was one of the top three scams. It pays to be savvy about this very real risk to your heart and your balance sheet. Here are some of the signs that he may not be all that he seems to be:

• He speaks in vague generalities about his life and his accomplishments
• He has grandiose plans for the future, yet as you get to know him you don’t see the evidence of prior success
• He’s charming, romantic and seems to be working to “sweep you off your feet”
• He disparages the women in his past
• He appears to be “in between” in all the major areas of his life: home ownership, career, etc.
• He never seems to be able to connect with friends, family or colleagues to introduce you (i.e., they’re busy, they live in other cities, etc.)

What can you do to avoid getting caught in the sticky web of a con artist? The most effective thing you can do is pace your relationship. Con artists capitalize on emotional desperation. If you’re too hungry for love, you’re easy prey. A strong emotional and spiritual compass will protect you, empowering you to slow down and really take your time getting to know him. Women who have been conned always report later that two things worked against them: 1.) allowing themselves to be swept away instead of pacing, and 2.) ignoring the inner warning bells. Here are the steps to prevent victimization:

• Don’t accept more than two dates per week at first (avoid the “swept off your feet” syndrome)
• Keep your first dates short and meet at a public venue
• Don’t use alcohol on the first two or three dates
• Stay in the mode of meeting for lunch or dinner until you are really comfortable that you know enough about him
• Do a background check as soon as possible
• Ask for references: employers, colleagues, etc.
• Ask lots of questions about his life and his background; listen in your gut for those little warning bells telling you something is off

How much do you need to know?

The short answer is: as much as possible. In dating, just as you would in any major business decision, do your due diligence. Ask questions, lots of questions. Don’t be afraid to drill down when you hear generalities that don’t add up. The great thing about asking lots of questions is that con artists don’t usually stick around for much of that. Sensing that you are getting close to the truth, he will move on to easier prey.

The same is true of pacing. Con artists need to “close the deal” as quickly as possible in order to prevent the truth from leaking too soon. Pacing sends a signal that you are too savvy to fall for that trick, and again, he’ll move on to an easier target.

In our Online Dating for Professional Women series, we’ve covered a lot of ground. Now you know how to create an effective online profile, how to safely move from an online “wink” to a first date, how to properly screen on the first couple of dates so that you spend time on good candidates, and how to protect yourself from online predators. In future articles, we’ll look at tips and techniques for managing all of your dating relationships with the ultimate success in mind: finding a truly wonderful man to spend your life with, someone to love and be loved by. Stay tuned!

Get more information at: www.singlescoach.com.