A few years ago, I had just given a speech for a large corporation and was heading for the elevators when the company’s head of human resources accosted me. “Gail,” she said, “do you remember when we were having lunch earlier today, and you were looking at me so hard?”

“Uh, yeah,” I said.

“Well, I know you were thinking something was wrong with my makeup.”

“What?” I said. “No, I …”

“Yes, I know that’s what you were thinking. I mean, you used to work at a cosmetics company and everything. So tell me — what should I do differently?”

I was flabbergasted. “I was looking at you so hard,” I said, “because I was listening to you so hard. Your makeup looks great. Honest.”

I finally managed to convince her before I got into the elevator that she looked fine, but it wasn’t easy. She was so sure she was right. The fact was, I had been looking at her hard. Her interpretation was that something was wrong — in this case, with her makeup. How often do we come up with interpretations for things that happen or that are said that are absolutely false and usually negative? And then become incredibly unhappy or even angry for all the wrong reasons? We all do it, all the time. Here’s the way it works: Something happens or someone says something — a fact — and, in a heartbeat, we make it mean something: an interpretation. Fact and interpretation get mushed together, and that becomes our “truth” or “reality.” 

We swim in a sea of interpretations. Wars are fought over interpretations. Elections are won or lost, the stock market moves up or down, ordinary decisions in life and work are made, all based largely on interpretations. Look back at your life. Look back to yesterday, to this morning. You called someone, and she didn’t call you back. You emailed someone, and he didn’t reply. Somebody gave you a funny look. What did you make it mean? Usually we make it mean: They didn’t like what I said. They didn’t like how I looked. They didn’t like my recommendation. (They didn’t like my makeup!) They didn’t like me.

It’s amazing how much unhappiness we needlessly cause ourselves by ascribing negative meanings to simple things that happen in our lives. But it doesn’t have to be that way. When we feel like this, we can learn to pause for a split second and ask ourselves these questions: How can I interpret what just happened in a way that gives me energy and propels me forward, rather than dragging me back and making me feel inadequate or frustrated? At this moment, what am I committed to? What am I trying to achieve today? When I worked at Avon (yes, I did work at a cosmetics company for many years), I was scheduled to make a major presentation to my boss one day. On the morning of the presentation, I saw him walking down the hall and gave him a big hello.

“Hey, good morning! How are you doing?” I said.

“Humph,” he said and scowled. That’s all — “humph.”

Uh-oh, I thought. Not a good sign. Maybe he’s mad about something. Maybe he’s mad at me. Maybe he already read my presentation and didn’t like it (we were required to hand it in the night before). Maybe he doesn’t think I’m doing a good job. This is what we do. We draw a conclusion and take it all the way to the most disastrous end we can imagine. Maybe I’m in trouble, I thought.

As the day progressed and the memory of the grunt and the scowl became more vivid, I grew more and more nervous. I even thought of canceling the presentation and sending my boss a note saying, “Sorry to have bothered you. I should have realized what I was going to present wasn’t such a good idea.” We’re so efficient that we douse our own flames to save time and so no one else has to do it.

But I pulled myself together. Wait a second, I thought. What are the facts here? There were only two: I had said “hello,” and he had grunted (and scowled). That’s all. All the rest I had made up. I had made his crankiness all about me and my supposed shortcomings. Hold it, Gail, I told myself. Maybe, just this once, it’s not about you. Maybe it’s about something or someone else. Something totally out of your control. And, anyway, what are you committed to? What are you out to accomplish today? Well, I had the answer to that. My team and I were presenting a major proposal to my boss for the launch of the Avon Breast Cancer Crusade, a fund-raiser for programs all over the country to help women learn about the importance of mammograms and self-examination. We were all passionate about this concept. This was no time to lose courage. It was a time to be bold.

So I decided to make up a different interpretation for what had occurred, one that would propel me forward, not backward. Maybe my boss had gotten some news he didn’t like. Maybe he felt comfortable enough with me and trusted me enough to let me see how annoyed he was. Maybe everything was all right.

My team and I met before the meeting and ran through the presentation one more time. “No matter what happens,” I said, “we can be proud of our work. It’s important. We could help save lives. Let’s go in there and sell it! He’s going to love it.”

Well, we did, and he did. Actually, he was thrilled with it. And, by the way, 15 years later, that program, now led by other impassioned people, has raised hundreds of millions of dollars for breast cancer awareness. It would have been a real shame not to present the idea or to do so poorly or halfheartedly.

And guess what? I found out later that, before I saw him that morning, my boss had just gotten a letter from the IRS telling him he was going to be audited. That’s not the end of the world, but it sure can make a fella cranky.

You might say, “OK, but what if my first interpretation was right? What if the person who doesn’t return my call or email, or who looks at me funny really is mad or upset with me or unimpressed with my idea?”

Well, what if he is? Then you’re right, and you’ll eventually deal with it and move on. But, in the meantime, why make yourself miserable? Why not just go with the positive interpretation? You’ve got nothing to lose except being unhappy.

Most of these instances are not life-threatening or even life-altering, but if you pile up negative interpretations day after day, they can make for a pretty discouraging existence. For sure, difficult and bad things will happen, but you get to decide what they mean. The trick is to interpret life’s events with optimism. Choose interpretations that make your heart sing, that give you the reason and the resolve to pursue your goals. An empowering interpretation is just as valid as a disempowering one. You get to decide what impact life has on you. Make it positive.

Reprinted from Real Simple.com